Open Letter To A Bike Thief

Bikes and blue door

Photo by Eduard Militaru

Dear Bike Thief,

you know who you are. You’re the horrible person who found it appropriate to steal my boyfriend’s bike from inside a locked courtyard.

You disgust me. It’s thanks to people like you that I lose faith in humanity.

Do you have any idea what that bike meant to my boyfriend? First of all, it was a birthday gift from his parents, so it held quite a bit of emotional attachment. But that’s not all. It was both his primary means of transportation AND his work tool. And you took both of those away, on a whim. We’re both students with part time jobs. Now you see…his job actually entailed using his bike, so with no bike he has no job. And with no job, there’s no money to actually replace the bike. It’s a bit of a vicious circle isn’t it? We haven’t exactly had the best of luck lately, what with recently losing amazing concert tickets and all, but how could you know this?

But hey, we’ll replace the bike, no biggie. I mean, it’s not like YOU should have to pay for it, right? It’s not your fault that we didn’t obsessively check on the bike every half hour.

I was actually really starting to trust the area we live in. Sure, it’s not the most secure area in Milan, but when is a big city ever completely secure? And the people are lovely…or so I thought.

The courtyard was locked so, my dear bike thief, you either live in my own building or were leaving someone’s house. Actually, our porter has a theory; she thinks you’re working with someone inside which tells you when there are “easy bikes available”.

Now wouldn’t that be absolutely peachy? You sound like a real treat!

Why did you steal his bike? Did you actually need it? I hope you feel happy with yourself. Good job on taking something from another person! Well done! Do you feel like you deserve the bike more than my boyfriend does?

Perhaps next time you’d like our guitars as well? Surely you must need a guitar! I mean, clearly you don’t care about other people’s boundaries, so I’ll just gift wrap it and leave it outside next time. Next to my bike, of course, which this evening you decided not to target. Then again, you are a thief, so there’s always tomorrow, right?

I want you to know that I don’t forgive you and I never will. I don’t care if you need the money more than we do. And finally, I don’t care about your life story or the life choices you made. Feeling so violated is the worst feeling in the world. You took something that wasn’t yours. I would never do that to someone else. I hope someone steals something you really care about, so you’ll understand the feeling.

It’s a good bike you know, quite fast. Please, feel free to crash it. Really hard and into a wall or a ditch, so you’re the only one getting hurt. Or, you know, rot in hell. Karma’s a bitch, darling.



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