#FridayFive: How to Deal With Losing Something You Love

I’m sure you all know that feeling you get when you know you’ve lost something. Your heart sinks and your brain frantically thinks “no wait, I’m sure it will turn up”, but deep down you know it’s gone.

Today, I was going to write about the top five Sigur Ròs songs. I’ve been raving about them for ages and was super excited for the concert next week. Can you guess what happened in the meantime?

I lost the tickets. Lost. Disappeared. And I even figured out when. I bought the tickets back in July, put them away and then left for the summer holidays. When I got back, I went into crazy-tidying-up mode and threw out loads of paper. I must have thrown the tickets out by mistake as well. I suppose I could buy them again but honestly it wouldn’t be the same. First of all, there aren’t any good seats left. My seats were awesome (obviously). Secondly, they were fan tickets that I just really wanted to keep, and those aren’t available anymore as we’re too close to the show. I know for certain that the ticket provider won’t reprint them because there’s a law in Italy which prevents that. So that’s it I guess, unless I settle for crappy seats.

I’ve lost my fair share of things over the years, and most have been irreplaceable. A few years ago I lost a bracelet which a great aunt gave to me. It was custom made so unless I draw a picture and have it remade, I will never be able to replace it. I still remember scouring the train desperately and looking under all the seats. And the worst part was, I knew the clasp was faulty but I never bothered to get it fixed.

Last year I lost my favourite hat, a beige beret with delicate decorations; I searched endlessly for it online but it happened to be a limited edition from a few years back. Obviously I didn’t find it.

It’s hard to lose something which has a lot of sentimental value. I’m not great at dealing with loss of any kind, but I have learnt that you can’t really force healing.

1) Get Out of the House…

The day I realised I lost the tickets, I spent all day basically looking literally everywhere in the house, convinced I’d find them eventually. I looked behind and under furniture, in closets, on shelves and even in the bathroom and in the kitchen. At first I thought I’d simply misplaced them. Then came the sinking realisation I’d lost them and I burst into tears. I really didn’t feel like going out that evening, but my boyfriend was performing at a friend’s work event so I had to go. Getting out of the house was actually a welcome distraction; it allowed me to clear my head and start processing the loss. If I’d stayed home, I would have probably wallowed on the couch all evening with a tub of ice-cream, or spent the evening searching obsessively for the tickets.

2) …But Also Allow Yourself To Wallow

I wallowed so much in the days following the realisation. In fact, I still can’t get over the fact that I THREW OUT AMAZING TICKETS! I mean, how is that even possible? I still think I may have misplaced them, but I’m pretty sure they’re not going to turn up in time anyway.

It’s ok to feel angry and frustrated at first. It’a lao ok to focus on the lost objects waaaaay too much for the first days (or even weeks). In the end, the one golden rule is to give yourself time. It will pass.

3) Only Tell People Who Will Not Give You a Hard Time

There are always those which, instead of comforting you, will tell you something like “I told you being so messy was going to cause trouble”, or “You should have been more careful”.

In most cases, it’s parents. If possible, avoid telling these people, as they’ll only make you feel worse. I was beating myself up about throwing out the tickets enough, and practically hating myself for it; I really didn’t need someone else to add to that self-torture, I was doing enough of it by myself.

On the other hand, there are those who will go out of their way to make you feel better. Mr. Songwriter immediately offered to buy replacement tickets (when I originally bought the two tickets as a gift for us), and I really appreciated the gesture.

4) Don’t Read Articles Entitled “How To Find Things You Lost”

Because we’ve all googled them in a moment of desperation, right? 90% of the time these articles won’t work, and won’t help you find anything. They will, however, give you hope that if you follow their tips you can find the lost object again and all will be right in the world. Besides, all these articles do is offer the usual advice such as “retrace your steps” and “think back to when you last had whatever you lost”. As if I haven’t tried this already. Please.

5) Focus on Something Else

Blog, hit the gym, go out with friends, play a musical instrument. Pick an activity and focus on it. This will take up your time and won’t allow you to think about the lost object too much. Focusing on something else will also help you feel much better and could end up being a pretty productive time as well.

Stop searching for the object obsessively, as it will just irritate you further. If it’s meant to be, it will turn up. Incidentally, I just read a story about a woman who found her long-lost diamond ring on a carrot from her garden, about a decade after she’d lost it…there’s always hope right?

What’s the number one thing you’ve lost that’s still on your mind? Let me know so we can share the pain!

 

 

 

 

6 Replies to “#FridayFive: How to Deal With Losing Something You Love”

  1. These are definitely good pieces of advice! When you lose something that holds meaning to you, it’s important to make sure that you take care of you and properly go through the stages of grief.

    1. So true! I know I stress over losing things waaay too much, but it’s painful for me…especially if I’m emotionally attached to whatever I lost!

  2. Nicely written…….yes, when we loose something that holds much importance to us, it affects us in a bigger way and these suggestions are very valuable in such scenarios.

    1. You’re so right! I wish it didn’t affect me as much…I guess I just have to learn to deal with it!

  3. Ciao Martina, I loved this post. First of all: OMG I’m so sorry you didn’t catch Sigur Ros (listening to them right now on this rainy afternoon) and thank you for all the amazing tips. I can totally relate to all the tips you gave, that’s how I’ve lived these past few years, moving to another continent and back to Europe. I had to downsize a lot and so many things got left behind, gone forever…. ♥

    1. Hi Francesca! Thanks for your comment, it totally made my day! Where do you live now? I’m sorry so many of your things had to go…
      I actually made it to the concert in the end (bought new tickets) and it was absolutely amazing! I’m so glad I actually got to go…it was a beautiful concert and they’re just so mesmerizing live.

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